Monday 20 February 2012

2d Festival Podcast Episode 1



It's finally here !!!! Join hosts Ciaran Flanagan and Bobby Best as they struggle against technical difficulties , K9 attacks and their own inadequacies as human beings in their quest to find a format. In our début adventure we discuss DC's New 52 ( and their horrendous new logo) , recent legal difficulties faced by some comics creators , the recent reboot of the X-Men franchise , and most shockingly whether or now the 2d Festival home turf The Verbal Arts Centre recently perished in a towering inferno! In more light-hearted news , we are joined by none other than David Campbell for a natter about his life in comics and the SECRET ORIGIN OF THE 2D FESTIVAL! All This plus a chance to get your mucky paws on a nice hardback copy of All Star Batman And Robin The Boy Wonder by Jim Lee and Frank Miller.

You can contact the podcast team with questions, plugs, enquiries or competition entries at our email address : 2dcast @gmail.com . All feedback is gratefully received

More information about The Comicbook Legal Defence Fund as mentioned during the show can be found @ http://cbldf.org/





Wednesday 15 February 2012

FAT FAT FAT FAT

In Derry this week . Despite a weekend in Belfast resulting in herculean booze intake according to Boots Derry, I am 84.6 kg and my mate Jims scales say 85.0 , but theyre bollocksed , so its all going in the right direction. I will return later this weekend with some comics reviews , my school report and  THE 2D FESTIVAL PODCAST

Tuesday 7 February 2012

Watchmen 3 years too late


This is something I wrote for Verbal Magazine on the eve of the film Watchmen being released, never edited or proofed and never used. I think its not too bad. I posted it here back in 2009 when there was actually nobody reading this as opposed to now when virtually no one is reading this . Obviously this is written with the layman in mind. Of everything on this blog I would  appreciate feedback on this most of all. In all honesty I was blown away on first viewing of Watchmen , feeling that they had captured the spirit of the book perfectly. I have yet to re watch it, and as I move further and further away from the first viewing all I can say is that I find the lack of tentacles to be disconcerting, but not as disconcerting as that big blue fellas todger. Anyway.......


Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Super hero and comic book movies have always been big business. Ever since Richard Donners Superman made us believe a man could fly in 1977 there has been a seemingly endless stream of films of varying quality , form the brilliant ( A History Of Violence , Road To Perdition,) to the banal (Batman and Robin being a memorable disaster). 2008 seemed to be something of a pinnacle in terms of box office success and quality of content what with the success last year of the Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, and The Dark Knight. Anyone who went to the cinema to see the latter will have seen a trailer for another seemingly run of the mill super hero film called Watchmen. Most people who saw this trailer probably thought “Oh, what’s that? That looks like a good film. I may go and see that. When it comes out. In 2009. Probably” and then went on with their lives. But a select group of people (of which I am a member), probably came very close to wetting themselves at the prospect of this project coming to fruition. Comic fans have known since day one that Watchmen is something special.
Imagine your favourite book, song, and movie all combined into a single package: That’s Watchmen. The type of thing that you finish reading and immediately after the shock has worn off you wish you’d never read it so you can read it again. And then you read it again anyway. It’s that good. The term “greatest” is thrown around these days as if it was so much confetti, but take it from me, Watchmen is the greatest comic book ever. And I know that is a compliment roughly akin to being described as the best dressed man in Ballymena, but it really is something else. It punches above its weight breaking out from the confines of a ‘kids’ medium and making it onto Time magazines list of the top 100 novels of the Twentieth century. With the imminent release of the movie (recent legal issues not withstanding,) it seems like as good a time as any to take a look at this seminal work, and the wizard (literally) that produced it.

Northampton born Alan Moore had made a name for himself on the British comics’ circuit writing for titles such as Doctor Who, Captain Britain and 2000AD. His work on the latter had garnered him several UK based comics awards (voted for by, in Moore’s words, “50 people in anoraks with awful social lives”), which caught the eye of US comics giant DC who offered him the opportunity to write their (failing) Swamp Thing title. Rising to the challenge Moore somehow managed to take a book in which the protagonist was a walking compost heap from selling 15,000 copies to selling more than 100,000 copies.
DC rewarded this success by giving Moore a line of super hero characters from the recently acquired Charlton Comics that he could revamp as he saw fit. Moore felt that if he started the series off with the death of a major character that was well known to the reader then it would let them know they were reading something outside of the norm of the time. Eventually the rights to the Charlton characters were lost, but Moore carried on with characters that he made up himself reasoning that “If I wrote the substitute characters well enough, so that they seemed familiar in certain ways, certain aspects of them brought back a kind of generic super-hero resonance or familiarity to the reader, then it might work”. Taking the premise: what would happen if super heroes existed in the real( or at the very least a more realistic) world, Watchmen along with Frank Millers’ The Dark Knight Returns ushered in the era of grim and gritty comics that led to the creation of Tim Burton’s Batman franchise, and changed the way comics were written forever.


 
 
Set in an alternate version of 1985 in which Richard Nixon remains president, the cold war continues, and the United States and Soviet Union stand on the brink of nuclear war, Watchmen opens with the discovery of the Murder of Edward Blake aka The Comedian one of only two costumed crime fighters remaining in the governments good graces after vigilante activity has been outlawed. Rorschach a borderline socio-path and the only costume to operate outside the law starts an investigation into what he believes is a series of ‘ Cape Killings’ – someone murdering former costumed heroes. He launches an investigation contacting all former crime fighters including the paunchy down trodden Nite Owl, the self professed smartest man on the planet Ozymandias, and the super powered Doctor Manhattan, (the only genuine super being), who is becoming increasingly removed from his humanity. What follows is less of a super hero murder mystery and more of a journey through comics as a medium, as Moore pays tribute to comics’ history at the same times he is de-constructing and exposing the weakness’ of the super hero genre. With no super villains acting as antagonists the crux of he story became both the socio economic implications that the presence of a genuine super human would have on the world, and the (largely sexual) motivations that such individuals would have for their activities. Being that it was written in the mid eighties the tone is rather stark and grim, a commentary on the American psyche as it was during the Reganomics / cold war period. To say that the outcome of the narrative unexpected and shocking is something of an understatement ,in fact if I told you how the book ends you would dismiss it as the ravings of a deluded madman.

Moore choose David Gibbons as not only the artist for the piece but also co-creator, and often times copy editor, dealing with the several hundred pages of handwritten script and notes that Moore provided in a piecemeal fashion. A three or four page description of a single panel would often end with the note”If this doesn’t work for you just do what works best”. Gibbons insisted on a nine panel page layout which allowed him an element of pacing and visual control that he could predict and use to dramatic effect. After more than twenty years it is easy to forget that for all its success as a collected edition it was never meant to be read in that fashion, rather it was intended as a monthly serial piece allowing for suspense and cliff-hangers in the same way that contemporary dramas such as Lost and 24 do. Additionally Gibbons was able to use the comics medium to his advantage by adding a level of detail which was second to none, so in depth that even Moore himself is noticing new touches today some twenty years after its initial publication .In essence Watchmen was the first work to exploit the medium to tell a tale that could be engineered only in comics. Chapter 5: Fearful Symmetry stands out in particular for it experimental style, as Gibbons laid it out in a symmetrical fashion: the first page mirrored the last in terms of layout, with the centre page spread being completely symmetrical. It’s the small touches like this that you don’t really notice until the sixth or seventh read through.









The flow of the narrative is broken up by a comic-within- a –comic Tales of the Black Freighter, a pirate adventure book. The creators reasoned that a society that had actual super heroes would not be interested in reading their comic book exploits, and would instead enjoy other genres such as horror , detective romance etc. . The rich and dark imagery in the swash buckling tale made for an effective counterpoint to the contemporary setting. Each issue also included supplementary material designed to give a richer insight into the world of the Watchmen. These included psychological profiles, magazine articles, and an autobiography of a retired crime fighter. The book would loose nothing if these were taken away. They’re just nice touches designed to reward the careful reader .Eventually, as work on Watchmen progressed the strip took on a life of its own and strange synchronicities started to pop up unintentionally. The monthly publication of the title was fraught with delays, but it mattered little. The book was a massive commercial and critical success. DC rushed to release cash in merchandise. It remains in print till this day, and its influence is felt not only in the work of comic writers such as Mark Millar and Brian Michael Bendis, but in many other facets of Pop culture including the Acid House movement (The iconic smiley face image used on a hit Bomb The Bass single), and a recent appearance in The Simpson’s.


Things did not end happily between Moore and DC Comics, as in 1990 he refused to work with them any longer due in part to their treatment of him in the wake of Watchmen’s success . In fact Moore largely moved outside the mainstream preferring to approach work on his own terms. He continues to thrive however on the fringe of the industry, where he remains one of the most respected figures in modern comics. He does not however have high hopes for the forthcoming movie of his most famous work stating “There are things that we did with Watchmen that could only work in a comic, and were indeed designed to show off things that other media can't”. I for one hope that he’s wrong about that. 




The Films of Alan Moore.

Alan Moore has a hate/hate relationship with Hollywood, so much so that he will not take payment from or watch any film based on his work .It doesn’t help that the films in question tend to be total cobblers. What are the chances of Watchmen bucking the trend? Not good by the looks of previous efforts……..
You're a naughty one, Saucy Jack.....



From Hell: Moore’s complex look at the character and psychology of the city of London, as told through the story of Jack the Ripper became, in the words of comedian Stewart Lee “A thing about a man who kills some women".
TO THE SHITMOBILE


The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
: In 1999 Moore and artist Kevin O Neil made a bold attempt to merge all works of fiction into a single cohesive narrative, which actually worked within the context of the strip. Film-maker Stephen Norrington added a sexy vampire and Tom Sawyer driving a Batmobile. Nice.
Demons ? No way!!!!


Constantine: The comics’ version of John Constantine (aka Hellblazer) was an embittered, alcoholic, cynical, chain smoking British, Noir style occult detective with no morals and a very dim view of human nature. The film version was Keanu Reeves.
Princess Leia hasn't been well.
V For Vendetta: The problem: America was always going to have a problem with the “Terrorist super Hero” introduced in Moore’s limited series. The solution: let’s change the main character from a ruthless anarchist to a romantic freedom fighter. Oh, and add an unconvincing love story and bobbins script while were at it. 
DONG


Watchmen: Picture worth one thousand words.




Monday 6 February 2012

Fat man Update

At last check (Friday), i weighed 82.5 kg( school gym scale), or 85.0kg ( Boots Hackney Central). I have been making to the gym or an average of 3 1/2 times a week, and can now run for 40 mins before vomiting. Sadly my meat ban fell at the feet of a mighty bacon sandwich ( as detailed elsewhere on this blog). Man tits are still disgusting. it may take time until i see the necessary results.

Peace out.



Tuesday 31 January 2012

An evening with HENRY ROLLINS~!

GRRRRRRR, I'm a liar, etc.

n August of 1981, Henry Rollins left his job as manager of an ice cream parlour in Arlington, Virginia and got in the van of punk band Black Flag as their new vocalist, beginning a tour that carried him all over the world, continued through the life of his own Rollins Band and continues today as he performs his spoken word shows. The latest stop on this Mobius strip was London’s South Bank Centre, where a not quite sold out crowd was treated to an evening of ass-numbing proportions.

Rollins, resplendent as always in his customary black trousers and t-shirt combo, bounded onto the stage with the enthusiasm and energy of a man a fraction of his nearly 51 years. It seems that he is still an advocate of the Black Flag live performance aesthetic: there is not a wasted moment or movement during his two hours and forty seven minutes on stage. Two hours and forty seven minutes – that seem to pass in a trice – without moving from his mid-stage starting position, taking a drink or seemingly even pausing for breath. Despite his protestations – he states his anger is like his physique (“I work on it daily”) – it seems that Rollins has softened quite a bit over the years on the road, and rather than the full-blown ranting, sweating, “I’m a liar” polemics of old (though traces of them remain), his spoken word performances have become part stand-up comedy, part punk rock reminiscence and part outsider travelogue. In particular his accounts of visiting Korea and Tibet allow for many laughs and also personal stories of these Orwellian hotspots, allowing Rollins to prove that his angry outsider facade to be just that: a facade. Deep down, Henry Rollins is a people person, and you can feel that as he gives accounts of eating rats with field workers in India, dancing with cobra-wielding Christians in the deep southern United States, and mocking conservatives at his local supermarket. He is now more Victor Meldrew than Victor Von Doom, and he seems much happier for it.


Jesus wept: the Nineties man. The fucking Nineties.


I entreat that you catch him in performance in him while you can. You’ve just missed him in the UK and Ireland, but don’t worry: the van will swing around this direction again sooner than you think.The tour never ends, you see.

Sunday 29 January 2012

THE BEST BACON SANDWICH IN LONDON ???




Even though I'm a big fan of the futuristic zero gravity sport HYPER -BOLE, the above statement strikes me as being a very grandiose claim. And yet the claim has been made by more than one person (most notably by this guy) that the mightiest pig in bap combo can be found not too far from Liverpool Street train station. Now, having been on a self-imposed meat ban for three weeks, it was decided that if I was going to break this dietary judgement error it was going to be done in dramatic fashion. Ever a fan of adventure (and swine flesh) I decided to put the outlandish claims of some fella I’d never even heard of to the test.

TO LIVERPOOL STREET ME HEARTIES!!!!!

If you are of a mind to make this mighty Hajj yourself, follow these instructions to the letter. Deviate in the slightest and you will meet a sticky end, for, you see, this part of London village lies thick with peril. Creatures of myth and legend walk the streets and many inexperienced travellers have met a sticky end upon the rocks of Shoreditch High Street. Anyway, leave the station onto Liverpool Street and head left towards Spitalfields Market.

Stay the course lads, stay the course.   

You need to take a shortcut through the market itself so beware, my friends, beware that you do not listen to  the siren song of the hipster shitebags that dwell within.  For if you do, ye will be damned for all eternity (well, it will seem like an eternity) to listen to their tale of woe. And also about, you know, their new trousers, man, yeah?


Oh my god!!!! These trousers are like so tight yeah, that if i had any balls, right, you'd be able to see them.           
Once you pass through this abode of the damned your goal is in sight: ST JOHNS BREAD AND WINE.
LAND HO!!!!!!!
Once you get inside, you'll notice that it seems like the staff don't see you. Apparently this is because St. Johns Bread and Wine lies on the cusp of the nexus of all realities and it takes a while to sync up with the vibrational frequency their reality lies on. Either that, or it's because it's just after 9 on Sunday morning and they are all still mangled from the night before, so to be safe make sure not to feel fear or you will surely burn at their touch.

You need six dollars for WHAT?

The first thing you will notice is that everyone is having the bacon sandwich, chiefly because there is fuck all else on the menu (see above). Go with the herd here. You will not be disappointed.

Errrrrrr, that's a big fucking sandwich!
Remember that scene in the great outdoors where John Candy has to eat a 96-ounce steak? 





That'll do pig!!!!!


This is one big ass sandwich. It's not too much of a stretch to say that this sangwich very likely contains a full pig, and two whole breads. It's MASSIVE. The bread is baked in-house and the ketchup is homemade too. So fruity. So delicious.  So good. 
 
AIEEEEEE!!!! This giant sandwich will destroy us all!!!!!


As far as I am aware the claim is true: this is the best bacon sandwich in the parish. I give it my highest possible rating: OM NOM NOM 






http://www.stjohnbreadandwine.com/

Highest possible recommendation.  Tune in next week, when I pay a visit to "The  biggest slag in Essex".


SATIRE!!!!!







Wednesday 25 January 2012

Death to the free Newspapers.


This is because I am in a foul mood today and need to vent .



I think I hate The Metro. No. Wait. I know I hate the Metro . I lie awake at night , with sweat glistening on my furrowed brow thinking that if I was good or decent man I would channel my meagre income into a worthy cause such as the destruction of The Metro by fire-bomb. I wish everyone who worked for it or even read it was dead. DEAD. That’s how much I hate it . I FUCKING HATE THE FUCKING METRO.

The Fucking Metro.
 
To explain to those not in the know The Metro is a free newspaper given out for free in cities with major transport networks. Did I mention that its free? well it is . Free as a bird . Or free leaflets in a magazine. Or like Free, the group. And I know its very poor form to complain about stuff you get for free , but I feel I must.

When I first moved to London and started reading it I thought that it was a great idea , a nice way to pass the time on your daily journey on the tube. Hurrah a free treat. Slowly but surely however it became the object of my loathing and I cant really explain it. Well, actually I can. It breaks down as follows:

5% crap stories copied off the Internet.
5% lazy journalistic platitudes, ( I'm talking to you, Arwa Haider).
5% completely inaccurate “ Facts”.
85% this douche bag: 



Colin Kennedy

 
Take a look at The Metros film review editor. Look at him with his greasy hipster shitbag haircut and his beady eyes .Look at his nice tie. LOOK AT HIM.


It was upon starting to read his film reviews that my opinion of this paper changed from vague indifference to raw naked burning hatred . Read some of this shit and hate as I hate.




Now part of the problem is that there is a newspaper to be turned out five days a week . I accept that. I also accept that this is most likely a combination of me  hating this “ London London Ra Ra Ra look at us aren’t we top , Innit?” spirit that they insist on , and some sort of man-period . And I know its not very big of me to take pot-shots at a free newspaper on a blog that statistically speaking no one reads but for FUCK sake have a bit of pride in your work lads. Seriously . A full page on a month old video from you tube about a cat fighting an alligator?  Or maybe I'm wrong , and its all fine.

Front page news, apparently.


I challenge you,The Metro. I challenge you to up your  game. I challenge you Colin . I challenge you  to turn out a review of a comic, sci fi or genre film without using the terms" nerd" or "geek" . I challenge you to write a review that doesn’t read as if you have not in fact seen the film but read the wikipedia article and guessed at it. I challenge you!!  Also are you the same Colin Kennedy who edits Empire?



I've been sending abusive texts to their text section for over a year. They have yet to print one. I am stalking several of their writers on the Internet.

I need help.

I'm going to bed now.

And don't get me started on the Evening Standard


CFX 

Ps. I quite like the quiz and puzzles.