This is because I am in a foul mood today and need to vent .
I think I hate The Metro. No. Wait. I know I hate the Metro . I lie awake at night , with sweat glistening on my furrowed brow thinking that if I was good or decent man I would channel my meagre income into a worthy cause such as the destruction of The Metro by fire-bomb. I wish everyone who worked for it or even read it was dead. DEAD. That’s how much I hate it . I FUCKING HATE THE FUCKING METRO.
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| The Fucking Metro. |
To explain to those not in the know The Metro is a free newspaper given out for free in cities with major transport networks. Did I mention that its free? well it is . Free as a bird . Or free leaflets in a magazine. Or like Free, the group. And I know its very poor form to complain about stuff you get for free , but I feel I must.
When I first moved to London and started reading it I thought that it was a great idea , a nice way to pass the time on your daily journey on the tube. Hurrah a free treat. Slowly but surely however it became the object of my loathing and I cant really explain it. Well, actually I can. It breaks down as follows:
5% crap stories copied off the Internet.
5% lazy journalistic platitudes, ( I'm talking to you, Arwa Haider).
5% completely inaccurate “ Facts”.
85% this douche bag:
Colin Kennedy
Take a look at The Metros film review editor. Look at him with his greasy hipster shitbag haircut and his beady eyes .Look at his nice tie. LOOK AT HIM.
It was upon starting to read his film reviews that my opinion of this paper changed from vague indifference to raw naked burning hatred . Read some of this shit and hate as I hate.
Now part of the problem is that there is a newspaper to be turned out five days a week . I accept that. I also accept that this is most likely a combination of me hating this “ London London Ra Ra Ra look at us aren’t we top , Innit?” spirit that they insist on , and some sort of man-period . And I know its not very big of me to take pot-shots at a free newspaper on a blog that statistically speaking no one reads but for FUCK sake have a bit of pride in your work lads. Seriously . A full page on a month old video from you tube about a cat fighting an alligator? Or maybe I'm wrong , and its all fine.
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| Front page news, apparently. |
I challenge you,The Metro. I challenge you to up your game. I challenge you Colin . I challenge you to turn out a review of a comic, sci fi or genre film without using the terms" nerd" or "geek" . I challenge you to write a review that doesn’t read as if you have not in fact seen the film but read the wikipedia article and guessed at it. I challenge you!! Also are you the same Colin Kennedy who edits Empire?
I've been sending abusive texts to their text section for over a year. They have yet to print one. I am stalking several of their writers on the Internet.
I need help.
I'm going to bed now.
And don't get me started on the Evening Standard
CFX
Ps. I quite like the quiz and puzzles.
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